Depression

Hello there you amazing people! How are you doing? Hope well.
So i want to apologize cause I didn’t publish anything yesterday and of course I want and I will tell you the truth.fb5122fa0decb75687eec687fb7a8758
Yesterday was just another “not my day”, unfortunately i have many days like this. I often wake up and i just don’t want to get up I want to stay in bed and do absolutely nothing, but i do get up! There are days when I just can’t fight with myself and my feelings, like yesterday. I woke up and i felt my body aching, I started crying and I just wanted everything to end. After crying (maybe hour? I don’t know I even didn’t checked the time whole day) I fall asleep again. At 3 pm mom came back home and she woke me up. At first she started yelling that I spent another night watching stupid things, but when I didn’t move and didn’t say anything she started nervously asking what happened my eyes were full of tears, usually I always hide this from mom but not this time… She kept asking what was wrong with me I hadn’t power to open my mouth and say something and I hardly said “I’m okay mom”. Then I realized all this time I was looking in emptiness, I looked at mom and barely smiled. She asked if i wanted something to eat but I refused. tumblr_m6y4i2wd0r1qli1dto1_r1_500As soon as she left my room I started crying again, when I felt so sick of crying I just started staring at flower on my sheet. Then I started thinking about so many things: loss, death, being alone, war and other stuff like this. Than my little bro came and brought me some apples and carrots, they were peeled and sliced so beautifully like mom always does, I pretended sleeping. Soon mom also came he was so nervous, I felt so guilty… I gathered myself up, smiled and started eating apple. She sat on my bed and started asking what happened… We know that I have depression, but everyone is depresses nowadays. Lately I feel more and more worse doc gave me medicine, it was helping but i can’t take it more than 2 month and I stopped it last week. Well, at the end I told her that i felt sick because of rabies vaccination…
Mom has many problems without my stupid depression, I didn’t want to worry her more so I hide when I feel worse. But the worst thing is I don’t have friend who helps me… I always do my best, I can wake up at 2 am and visit them(I really did it once!)… I know I’m not perfect but when it goes to friendship I proudly can say that I’m a really good one and exactly this is most heartbreaking… you do your best and they don’t give a shit…!

So this is it, my yesterdays depression attack story…  Have you same problems? How you deal with your depression? Any advice will be helpful…

girl online going offline. x

 

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5 thoughts on “Depression

  1. reocochran says:

    Have you ever looked up a blog called Mom of Three is Nuts. She is named April and us starting to really become able to be happy. I would talk to her in her comments section and see if she will help or listen. If I find a younger person with depression I will lead you to them, honey. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. xaranahara says:

    I totally get you. Just get on wordpress and just hit me up if you need anything. I will usually answer day or night, but if I don’t, I will get to you first thing in the morning. And yeah, I’ve had my days like that, too. With the way the world is going these days, we depressed people are the normal ones and those who are too happy are the crazy ones. My fiancé and I both agree that the world is opposite day, what should be isn’t and what shouldn’t be is. But it is good that you have a supporting brother and (sometimes) supporting mother. All we can do is count our blessings, even if it seems like it is just on one hand/finger.

    Like

  3. xaranahara says:

    Of course. And also, you mentioned in your “About Me” page that you wanted people to give you advice about stuff. Just be careful which advice you take. You will find that by making your own choices, your life will be more authentic and whole. I am not one to give you a “One way” answer because there are many ways to solve a problem. But if you present me a problem, I will provide you with some choices that you could just think about and not necessarily take at more than face-value.

    That would be my advice for the day.

    Like

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