Hello there you amazing people! How are you doing?
Today I decided to talk about my crush, as we study together in university and soon we will see each other almost every day. So I don’t have big experience in relationship and love, I don’t know why… there are couple of things:
1. I always prefer to be just a friend with boys
2. I am not a girly girl, I don’t wear make up and heels…
3. I am a little bit chubby
4. I don’t like boys who like me
5. When I like someone and get closer with him I don’t like him anymore
6. I understand boys so good that they want me as their be best friend
7. As I grew with load of boys I see brother in all boys almost
This picture actually describes my life, I’m always with boys many girls even hate me for this.
So yeah, about my crush. Well, last year when I started university I get along with all boys so fast and so good… There was just one boy who always was alone, so mysterious… no one knew anything about him. Me and one my good friend(girl) started joking how much we liked him and with this joking I convinced myself that I really do like him. Then one teacher gave us work and separated people with same ideas into small groups. Guess what?! We were thinking equally. My old friend, we will call him Seth(he studies business administration) was visiting me, of course he knew about my crush and when he sat next to me Seth started joggling me toward him. Me and my crush were leaders of our group. When we made a decision, I started writing and my crush said “I will write, I don’t like talking, so I will write and you will be speaker from our group, you should rest now.” Then he took my pen and our hands gently touched, just like in stupid romantic movie! Seth started chuckling and I punched him. Well everything finished with my stupid action. At the end of lesson just before he went I said “by the way my name is Marizza” and started waving hand. He rewarded me with beautiful half smile and answered “I’m Kevin(this is not real name ofc, like others). If you have read my last post this is exactly the same Kevin which is in my boys’ gang. Seth started laughing so loud and when Kevin left I just kicked him out of chair. Step by step Kevin started communicating with other boys, which were my guys(I call my boy friends(not boyfriends) my guys). I was always greeting him first, he didn’t notice me and stuff. After some time I gave up and stopped saying even hey, like I didn’t notice him. And then Kevin started greeting me. I was in yard with girls when he past by and said “hey Marizza” other girls faces were like omg! they were so surprised and jealous cause he was communicating with 2 girl in whole university! I was like “yaaaas bitches” I answered “hey Kev” and followed him. He said “how are you” and disappeared, but we already were in building so girls didn’t see that he left so fast. This situation happened several times, until he became official member of my guys’ gang! After this, everything turned inside out, he kinda started stalking me and after this my habit “When I like someone and get closer with him I don’t like him anymore” activated. I don’t like him any more but we became so close and guess what happened? I started liking him again cause… I don’t even know the reason. This is still super strange for me. We were spending more and more time together and he was my on-off crush. When we had kinda romantic moments I liked him again but after few days he was just a good friend. And this was happening again and again and again and again! Now I don’t know how I feel, I’m exited to see and hug him after 3 month + as I mentioned in previous post me and my guys picked up some subjects together and our timetable mostly match. To be honest, I do want to have boyfriend and stuff but also I’m not ready for all this drama. I have to concentrate on myself, my depression and anxiety, eating disorder, gym, work and education!
What do you think? Should I move on? Should I hint him that I like him? How can I clear up what I feel? How boy can be crush today and close frend the other day? I never felt like this before! Maybe if I want boyfriend it must be someone else, cause sometimes I really like him and sometimes I don’t. Please I need many advices! Help me!
girl online, going offline. x