26.10, Again

Hello there you amazing people! How are you?

So, last week was quite difficult for me I was ill, I was depressed and something terrible happened.. On 26.10 my friend died.. He was 21… car accident.. We weren’t close lately but anyways… At our early teenage years we were super close, he wasn’t amazing person sometimes he was even bullying me but I loved him… He was genius, talented in everything and he was quite deep person. I know it cause we were talking endlessly when we were alone and he had so unique, genial and different ideas! He was kinda souls mate we both were thinking about crazy stuff and talking with him was so interesting and so pleasant… Once he told me: “what if everything is unreal? we are unreal or we are someone’s laboratory rats?” This was THE moment I realized that I wasn’t crazy and other people were thinking like me… Past year we only met couple times…  and I feel guilty.. On 25.10 I was coming from job I was so tired and so furious I just wanted to go home and cry on my pillow all night.. I saw him in the market I guess he also saw me and I just left… and this was our last meeting… I just… he died after 5-6 hours.. I just can’t stop thinking what if I started talking with him? maybe this would changed everything? I can’t stop thinking that at some point this is my fault! I will always remember him.. RIP my genius!

You know what is worse? Last year exactly at 26th October exactly at the same street happened car accident… one boy died, one was in coma, they also were my friends.. hopefully second survived and now he is studying at my uni I see him almost every day..

On 25.10 I was furious not only with my problems I was thinking that this horrible 26 was coming day when last year happened fucking bad thing.. I didn’t know what was going to happen and I just looked him and left… and thinking about how young people are dying make me sick! this is so wrong!

I think I can’t handle anymore…
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